he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
