its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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