you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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