I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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