shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
