I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
