So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
