There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
