uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize
