I wanna bring you to show and tell
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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