from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
