I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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