She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
