May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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