you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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