I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
