i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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