If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
