Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
