Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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