Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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