he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
