I hate your face
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
