my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
