Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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