His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
