My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
