stop calling my apartment porn island.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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