Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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