They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
