"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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