I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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