It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
