Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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