the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
