It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
