Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
