You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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