We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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