dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
