I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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