these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
