Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
