your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
