I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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