i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
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you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
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Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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