OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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