found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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