I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
