The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
