hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
