I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
