I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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