You're my little dorito
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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