Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
