she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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