i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
