Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
