I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
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Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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