I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
