I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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