Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
