i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
