Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
