forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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