Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
