She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
