He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
