shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
