my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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